Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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