I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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