hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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