i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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