Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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