Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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