it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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