u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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