I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize