Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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