easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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