this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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