my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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