I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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