I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize