i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
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I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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