Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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