I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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