dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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