Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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