I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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