No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize