i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize