im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
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Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
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Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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