he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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