Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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