Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
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With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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