Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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