when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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