How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize