i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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