so that wasnt chicken after all
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
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We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
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He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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