At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
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bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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