I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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