She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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