The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize