Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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