I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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