Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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