she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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