If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
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You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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