Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize