Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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