there's paper in my vomit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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