is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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