Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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