and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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