Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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