Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize