I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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