You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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